Stop Saying “Sorry”
August 12, 2024
Kevin Beeson
In a viral world with countless pickleball tips, one video recently hit home for tens of thousands of players. Its message is simple.
Stop saying “Sorry.”
That’s the title of the video aimed at pickleball doubles players who say “Sorry” to their partner after hitting a bad shot. It caught my eye recently while doing research for possible future columns. It was hosted and posted by Kevin Beeson, a certified pickleball instructor who gives clinics worldwide, three-time national champion at the 5.0 level and senior tournament player.
The 48-second video is on Beeson’s social media pages and you can watch it here.
Beeson says the video has been viewed over 100,000 times on his various social media platforms. It has also been widely shared and is by far the most popular video of the 200 or so he’s produced.
Beeson is “62 years young” as he puts it. He told me by phone from his home in Hood River, Oregon, that the “Stop Saying Sorry” video was his girlfriend’s idea.
“My girlfriend has started playing pickleball and she was confused on why players say ‘Sorry’ so often. I told her it confused me also because I don’t know a player who has purposely missed. She then said, ‘You should make a video.’”
No one hits a bad shot on purpose. That, in a nutshell, is why Beeson says everyone needs to stop saying “Sorry.”
Beeson says most of the comments he’s received about the video are positive. “Most players agreed that players say ‘Sorry’ too often and some said they were guilty of it. Some said, ‘Sorry for saying sorry’”.
I sent the video to Shawnee Harle, a mental toughness coach based in British Columbia, Canada. Harle, 62, has counseled thousands of elite athletes and played at a high level herself as a college basketball point guard in Canada. She was an assistant coach for the Canadian women’s national basketball team in two Olympics.
“When we say ‘Sorry,’ for whose benefit is it? Our partner’s? No! It’s for our own benefit,” Harle says. “When you make a mistake, it makes you feel bad. You say "Sorry" in order to feel better. But here's the rub: "Sorry" places a burden on your partner. For you to feel better, it requires them to say the "right" thing, with the "right" tone. [Such as] ‘That’s okay, don’t worry about it.’
“In other words, you have abdicated responsibility for your emotions and placed them on your partner. Mental toughness requires you to take responsibility for your emotions.”
Harle suggests instead of saying “Sorry” after a poor shot, say, “That’s on me but don’t worry, I got the next one,” or, “I know what I did wrong there and I can fix it.’
“Or don’t say anything,” Harle advises. “Tolerate the discomfort of the mistake, refocus, and quickly move on to the next point. Your partner will feel much lighter when the only person they need to worry about is themselves.”
I asked pickleball players if they say “Sorry” to their partner after they hit a bad shot.
Dave Beal, a 4.0 rated player, Santa Rosa, California: “I used to play mixed doubles in beach volleyball with my wife. The best advice that we were given was before each match you get to tell your partner three things that they must adhere to. One of mine for my wife was always, ‘You can't say sorry.’ She could say ‘I need to snap that next time,’ or ‘When did they put that net there?‘ I feel like the word “sorry” is self-defeating in those situations.”
Chris Beaumont, a 3.5 who lives in the United Kingdom: “I do say sorry. No idea why, I just do. I actually wish I didn’t because nobody plays a crap shot on purpose. Thinking about it, there probably should be some shots you apologize for, [such as] trying to hit the Hollywood winner on a crucial point because you want to be ’that guy’ when a simple placement will do. Everyone should apologize for those.”
Todd “Happy” Boynton, 3.2, Greenfield, Massachusetts: “Whenever anybody says, “Sorry,” about missing a shot I respond exactly the same way: ‘There’s no ‘sorry’ in pickleball’. And then, when I miss an easy one, I say ‘sorry.’ Gut reaction. I think it’s human nature for good people to feel bad for letting down their partner. But I always try to exude an aura of being in a safe space.”
Scot Woodmancy, 3.25, Yankton, South Dakota: “I do say ‘Sorry’ when I hit an easily attacked shot and set my partner up. When my partner says ‘Sorry’ to me, I reply, ‘Not to worry about it, things happen. We'll get this one.‘“
Cuong Huynh, 4.31, Southern California: “Yes, I say this a lot. Or some variation such as ‘my bad.’ It's a subconscious habit I'm trying to break. I want to acknowledge that I made a mistake. I try to be supportive and encouraging, especially if it's the right shot but failed execution. However, if it's the same mistake multiple times, I get pretty annoyed.”
Kevin Beeson likes to say, “Pickleball is an easy game that we make difficult.” He co-authored a fun, 90-page book, Pickleball Metaphors: The Fast Track to Better Pickleball, which is full of playing tips. You can check out Beeson’s website here.
I asked Beeson for his top three tips for rec players rated under 4.0. His reply is applicable to all players.
1）If players want to elevate their game they need to drill, drill and more drill.
2）Always remember the three P’s: Always have a Always have a purpose. Be patient.
3）Don’t lose to the net.
That last tip resonated with me when Kevin said it. I have kept it in mind and cannot remember in my four years of playing hitting so few shots into the net. It sounds easy but so many 3.5 players (like me) and below hit shots into the net excessively. If you get it over the net you at least give your team a chance; maybe your opponent will slam it out or into the net.
And remember, if you hit one into the net, do not say “Sorry.”
Everyone knows you didn’t do it on purpose.
Overheard at the courts: “That short guy never dinks, he only bangs. I think he has the Napoleon complex.”
My thoughts of the week, not all pickleball
I’m sure that there are other people besides me whose dogs wake them up at 5 a.m. every day because they want breakfast. It’s a drag but I do get some writing done.
You couldn’t pay me to watch one episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.I am embarrassed to admit, however, that I watched every episode of The Golden Bachelor. At least I predicted that the marriage was a sham. It lasted three months. So much of those reality shows are staged. I know former TV colleagues who have worked and appeared on them. The producers choreograph almost everything.
The Chicago White Sox are having a historically brutal season. Last Tuesday they beat Oakland to snap a 21-game losing streak, which tied the American League record. They fired manager Pedro Grifol after they won a game. The ChiSox could finish with the most losses in Major League Baseball’s modern era. The 1962 Mets lost 120 games but had an excuse: they were an expansion team. I joke with my buddies that the White Sox, who drafted my oldest son in 2010 (he played eight seasons in the minors), are being punished for not promoting him.
I could start a group called “Paddles Anonymous.” Members would be pickleball players who buy at least one paddle a month. It would be a large group.
Before a doubles pickleball game I’m not thrilled when I see the two obviously best players of the foursome decide to team up. You just know the score will be something like 11-2. Personally, I’d rather lose 11-9 than win 11-2.
While resting between games, I so often see players hit balls that would have been way out. I do it myself. In the heat of battle it’s easy to forget the saying, “Head high, let it fly.” I actually prefer, “Shoulder high let it fly” most of the time, depending on the ball speed.
I have blasted the Asheville, North Carolina, Parks & Recreation Department several times here for removing its portable nets from city courts without warning on May 24th. Asheville has a population of 95,000, a large pickleball community, and zero dedicated public courts; all are shared with tennis. The city said it removed its heavily-wheeled nets because some pickleball players neglected to roll them off the court when done, thus causing divots in two recently resurfaced courts.
The agency deserves some credit now. Last Tuesday workers put two portable, wheel-based, lightweight nets on courts at a city park (I witnessed this and some players applauded). A city spokesman told me the nets are “part of a pilot program to test impacts of new net systems on court surfaces.
Congratulations to Doug Scarborough, who was the first reader to email Hudef with the correct answer to last week’s contest question: “Which reviewer said this about the Hudef Mage Pro Gen2: “This is a crazy good paddle. I’ve had so much fun playing with it.” The correct answer is Farmer Lanky. Doug won a Hudef Mage Pro Gen2, valued at $169.99. Our first column of every month includes a contest to win a Hudef paddle.